I had a dream last night that I was waiting in line to buy burgers with my dad.
It was a really ordinary sort of thing. He had mild complaints about various things, like the menu screen rotating through different images too fast, making it hard to read. I suggested we bring up the menu on our phones, but that was predictably easier said than done. We got to the front of the line before he was fully ready.
I was pleasantly surprised to see a limited-time burger called “Mother Goose” based on the David-Bowie-inspired character in Philip K. Dick’s semiautobiographical novel VALIS. It didn't much matter what was on it; that’s what I wanted. I’m a fan, after all, of both of those guys.
I remember commenting that it was crazy how this burger place had two different PKD-themed burgers at once since they usually just had one celebrity per burger. They marketed the “Mother Goose” burger as a Bowie thing, so I guess that’s how they justified it. It was a fiction-themed restaurant so they wouldn’t just have musicians without making a connection like that.
Anyway, pretty mundane stuff.
The thing is my dad died yesterday, on Christmas Eve.
It didn’t feel like a “visitation” dream, just the usual sort of dream I might have about my dad. I don’t feel my dad’s presence around me any more than I feel like today is Christmas. In either case, I can psych myself up into feeling something, but I know that’s all it is. We play pretend to give weight and texture to our personal myths, the stories we live by.
I don’t know how the loss of my father will affect my story exactly, but I can tell one thing: I’ve entered a new phase of my life. It happens that quickly.
Sorry to hear that, Ive lost both of my parents as well. I imagined I would think more of them now but I dont, its strange. Im curious what you mean by:
We play pretend to give weight and texture to our personal myths, the stories we live by.
Are you saying the auspicious PKD signs dont really mean anything?
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. My dad passed away May 2022 from Parkinson's. My 14 yr old pup companion Poppy passed away a few months ago. My mom is very ill in a care facility and near the end of her journey. I don't even know how to think or function in any normal capacity anymore. I hope you can find some strength and comfort in love and support from family and friends. Try to keep yourself busy or distracted. I haven't been able to read too well this year but getting lost in some tv series and movies has helped me.